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I was prompted to recall a time when I felt gut-wrenching nervousness.  And as I start to gear up for the 3rd (!) Kamloops Timeraiser it is easy to recall such a situation.

When I heard about the Timeraiser – an event created by Framework in Toronto 11 years ago – I thought to myself: ‘this has to come Kamloops’.  After pursuing the Timeraiser organization for over a year to bring their event to Kamloops, they eventually decided they wouldn’t bring here – but I could host it myself.  Awesome – I love hosting parties, but for this particular event I needed money and support.

chequeSo after socializing the idea and finding support, the day actually came when my first sponsor, NRI Distribution, sent me a $5000 sponsorship cheque.

Fear, disbelief, apprehension, insecurity – all welled up inside me.  Are they crazy putting this much faith in me to pull this off?  Can I pull this off?  What I do next?  How do I pay him back if I screw up?  Eek!

But whenever I am under pressure – life becomes clearer…  Just focus on the next step.  I can’t say I felt optimistic or that the fear disappeared, but I knew that if I just kept doing the right steps one after the other I would get the job done.

And I did!  And at some point in the following weeks I started to get excited knowing it would work out.  Those feelings of fear changed to pride, gratitude, excitement, enthusiasm and relief!

This past weekend I was camping with the family and friends at a fishing derby at Knouff Lake resort.   The low-lights of the weekend are pretty humorous when you string them together.

Thursday night before we leave – my youngest, 1 year old River – pukes in his crib at bedtime.  I had just finished washing and putting away all the laundry – 5 loads I think, so I strip his bed and start a new pile – I think he developing a milk allergy.  Friday we arrive at the lake, River doesn’t sleep that well that night – he wakes up at least 10 times.

My hubby gets up to go fishing at 6am on Saturday, and wakes him up when drives away.  River hears the truck turn on and drive away and bolts awake crying ‘daddy, daddy…’.  River’s nap time rolls around, and I sleep too.  My two other kids are off playing or fishing with dad, I am too tired to care.  Three hours later the tent trailer is quite stinky, River had a lovely nap but woke to FILL his diaper and actually spray sh*t up his back.  We are camping!  Do I try to bath him with wipes?  Where do I even start with damage control??  I notice he hasn’t actually gotten any sh*t on his bedding, he must of been sitting when he performed the deed and his clothes seem to be the only casualty.  I pick him up by the armpits and put him outside – we then walk to the shower house 100 metres away, hoping noone will notice he is covered in sh*t.

Saturday culminates with a lovely steak dinner with the fishing derby crowd.  However, between shower time and dinner time I change River’s diaper 4-6 times – he has some nasty stomach issues going on (use your imagination).  After dinner I feel horrendous – 2 hours later, I puke in the bushes and promptly go to sleep.  It is 9:30pm, my kids are all in bed, but still awake – I don’t care, I assume they fall asleep eventually.

Sunday is pack up day.  My 4 year old is exhausted from the weekend and spends the entire morning throwing temper tantrums.  I am pretty sure she wakes up the entire hungover campground with her wails – I wish some cranky person would stick their head out of their tent and yell at her to shut up.  Needless to say, noone does and I continue to try to convince her to relax and be quiet.  As we are packing the vehicles to go home she needs to go pee and claims she can do it by herself (squatting in the bushes that is – she can use a toilet no problem) – so I let her.  She pees all over her clothes.

On the way home all 3 kids have lovely long naps – hopefully dinner will be uneventful as a result.  We are meeting with friend for a greek buffet.  All goes well, until we leave.  30 feet out of their driveway River pukes again – rivers of curdled milk and grapes spew out of his mouth.  The carseat is covered, River is covered and everything smells like feta cheese.  My oldest now feels nauseous and we have to go back to host’s house to ask for help – trying to clean River and the carseat enough to transport everyone home.

My weekend = puke, sh*t, sh*t, sh*t, sh*t, puke, pee, puke.  No wonder I have to do so much laundry.

The funny thing is – I actually felt like I had a great weekend.

Before I marveled at the source of my mountain of laundry, I was quite content.  I got to hangout with some lovely friends.  My kids had a fantastic time playing – they were exhausted from socializing and exploring.  Dinner was delicious.  I won and ice cream maker and 11 litres of free ice cream (yes eleven litres!).  I got lots of sleep.  My dog was relaxed.  My better half managed to catch a fish.  The weather cooperated and the tent trailer was warm at night.

My deep down feeling was one of a good time – after considering all the bodily fluids I had to contend with – I surprised myself.  It is all about attitude 🙂

I have this theory, that it doesn’t matter much what your situation in life is, your attitude won’t change much.

If you are an optimist, someone who looks at challenges as learning opportunities, then that is you.  If you are a little disgruntled with your lot in life and the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence, so be it.

If you are the disgruntled sort, winning the lottery or having a fantastic job won’t improve your outlook.

If you are an optimist, being in sudden crisis or having a number of bad breaks won’t slow you down much.

At a any given time, sure – your attitude may change dramatically in response to a new situation.  But as time passes, you will return to your customary outlook, regardless of how good or bad the situation is.  I know there are extreme events that can throw someone so off balance that they can never return to their former equilibrium.  And there are also times when someone notices the colour of their own glasses and decides to change them, slowly and persistently changing a part of who they are.

What colour glasses are you wearing.  I think I need to change mine sometimes… I think they are purple and I need a little less blue and a little more white light.  And winning the lottery or getting a great, new career probably won’t do it.

It has to come from within – somewhere within.

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