How do you help someone get through tough times in their life, if they don’t really want help or won’t accept it.

I hear people say “they need to want to change themselves” or “they make their own choices”.  But isn’t that kind of like the bystander effect – just an excuse not to get involved.  But then again, I know it is truly complicated.  Unsolicited advice is rarely well received.

There should be some universal signal that everyone respects.  It says “I think you are trouble and I want to help you – will you listen to me?”.  I lie in bed thinking of the right things to say, what will capture attention, show I care and not offend or set someone on the defensive.  I feel like if I am too forward I will ruin any chance of getting through.  But if I subtley try to get the messages across, I don’t know if I am helping or being passive aggressive.

I am still looking for the answer.